Late Night Political Jokes Updated

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"President Obama tried to get a fire going under the lawmakers before the August recess, which is when they take a one-month break in order to visit their girlfriends in South America." --Jimmy Kimmel

"And you know, there's some kind of ethics investigation going on up in Alaska, also involving Governor Palin. I don't know what the ethics violations are, but for our purposes here, let's just say that she robbed a gas station." --David Letterman

"Here's news from Pakistan. They believe now, intelligence believes, that a US missile attack about six months ago killed one of Osama bin Laden's sons. And the CIA believes that it was the hot-tempered Sonny." --David Letterman

"Anybody see President Obama's press conference last night on television about the health plan? Here's the deal - it will cost a trillion dollars but that will be in three easy payments of $330 billion a month, so it's not that bad." --David Letterman

"President Obama was on TV again last night. And, you know, it's interesting - political experts are now saying that President Obama is giving so many interviews and appearing on so many television shows that he's starting to dilute his own message which I think is unfair because I thought Obama was pretty convincing last night on 'Ice Road Truckers.'" --Conan O'Brien

Letterman's Top Ten Surprises in the President Obama News Conference:

10. Began with a moment of silence for the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
8. Put on Kiss makeup and sang "Dr. Love."
5. His ten minute infomercial for the Slap Chop.
2. In one hour, he went through two packs of Camels.