Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated Daily

"Thank you for coming on the Ides of March. You know, this is March 15. It was on this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar met his end. He was stabbed in the back by members of the Senate, ironically, while pleading for health care." –Jay Leno

"It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So what are they telling us? Follow me guys. Remember, a couple of months ago, doctors said drinking a glass of alcohol every day was good for your heart. Smoking prevents Parkinson's disease. Marijuana is good for glaucoma. Sex is good for your prostate. Screw health care. Let's party!" –Jay Leno

"Hey, learning more and more about that homegrown terrorist, that woman, Colleen LaRose, also known as Jihad Jane. They're calling her the most dangerous person to come out of Pennsylvania since Ben Roethlisberger." –Jay Leno

"Everybody changed their clocks this weekend for daylight savings. So you move it ahead. And even the Taliban move their clocks ahead. They moved it up to the 11th century." –David Letterman

"He went on Glenn Beck and told about his 50th birthday party, with all men, and they got into a big tickle fight. You know, like guys do. Don't you hate that, when you're in a big, giggling pig-pile of dudes and people try to make it into something gay?" –Bill Maher

"They used to call him a 'Navy Seal'—not because he was in special forces, because he was always balancing balls on his nose." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: President Obama must not bail out Greece. Besides democracy, philosophy, geometry, poetry, architecture and drama what have they ever given us? Greek President Papandreau came to Washington this week, begging for money. To which I say: Screw you, Zorba, and the horse you came hidden inside of. You want our hard earned dollars? Come back when you're an insurance company." –Bill Maher

"The good news: New York City has filled 2,000,000 potholes. The bad news: they were the only things slowing down the Toyotas." –David Letterman

"We lose an hour of sleep this week. Of course, if you’re roommates with Eric Massa, you may not want to fall asleep at all." –Jimmy Fallon

"Federal officials just revealed that a member of al-Qaida worked at three nuclear power plants in New Jersey over six years. Wait, there are three nuclear power plants in New Jersey? I guess that explains Snooki." –Jimmy Fallon