"So, the bad news for McChrystal is he got fired for insulting the President. But the good news is, Fox said, 'We'll hire him.'" –Jay Leno
"Starting today, there is a huge rock festival in England. It is called Glastonbury. These days, every country has its own music festival. In Afghanistan, they have the al Qaeda Palooza. 'Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for — Kenny G-had!'" –Craig Ferguson
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