North Korea's longtime leader Kim Jong Il dead at 69

North Korea's longtime leader Kim Jong Il might be dead at 69

Now remember that this is the same guy who claimed to shoot 38 under par in a single round of golf. If I were in his tiny little shoes; if I were the creator of a God-like image in an absolute Stalinist autocracy, here is what I would do: I would have my lackeys announce my death. Then, three days later, I would "miraculously" rise from the tomb, ala Jesus, thus adding certified divinity to my other great accomplishments, like my shelf full of Oscars and my PGA tour card.

Just sayin'.

Damn, I would make a GREAT dictator.

And the best part of it is that I'm not even that evil. I might actually use absolute power to try to make my country better, although I would create the usual cult of personality and put my name and face on all the stamps and money and souvenirs. And of course, you'll have to sing songs about me. But I'm a job creator, so the songs are important to our economy. I plan to put hundreds of minstrels to work writing and performing Scoopy Songs.

So if you have a crappy little country and are conducting a job search for an absolute ruler, I am tanned, rested, and ready.

And, funny story, I even have the Divine Right of Kings.

Anyway, I think I'll wait a few days before believing the whole Kim Jong-Il death thing.