RIP True Blood, America's Extremely Graphic Long-Form Sex Ed Video

RIP True Blood, America's Extremely Graphic Long-Form Sex Ed Video

"On Tuesday, HBO announced that True Blood, a long-running porn tape with an exceedingly complicated plot revolving around a sleepy Louisiana town inhabited by one billion insane, magical people, will leave the air for good at the conclusion of its 7th season next summer."

True Blood was kind of interesting at first. It was Dark Shadows for the new millennium, and Bill Compton was its Barnabus Collins. By the fourth season, however, it was just getting desperate to come up with new supernatural variations. The writers' conferences must have been crazy:

Head writer: OK, what's the dumbest damn supernatural thing anyone can think of.

Writer: How about a were-panther?

Writer #2: How about a vampire bible?

Writer #3: Now stay with me, J.B. How about a vampire who is also a fairy, and he's been around since the Stone Age?

Head writer: This is why I love you guys!

My favorite thing about the show is that it doesn't even stay consistent with its own logic. One of the main characters, Sam, is a shape-shifter who is constantly being pursued by werewolves. Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous, but let's just buy into it for a moment. What would you do if you were a shape-shifter and found yourselves in this situation? Well, ol' Sam ain't the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree, because he invariably changes into something that a big wolf might snack on, like a vole, or a cute little bunny or a Thanksgiving turkey. Here's what I'd do: I'd stock up on BBQ sauce, then I'd say "OK, doggies, bring it," and then I'd shape-shift my ass into a T-Rex and pig out at the buffet at Wolfie's.