"Lindsay Lohan Seems Down"

"Lindsay Lohan’s plan to escape the tabloid press by moving to Europe seems to be going well. I’ve only seen her seventeen times in the past three days, documenting her every step and bowel movement."

"Why must we immediately criticize women for their looks? That seems sexist and shallow. If Lindsay were sober enough to speak, I’m sure she’d ask just to be judged on her work. And when you asked her what that was, she’d pretend not to hear you as she raced toward the water with her right tit bouncing up and down atop her rib cage like a tethered paddle ball."