Jabba the Governor says "It’s time to start offending people." Happy to help.

Chris Christie says "It’s time to start offending people." Happy to help.

And, by God, I have to agree with the fat windbag. As America's #1 source of gas, Jabba the Governor, our most popular Crisco-American, is blazing a trail here. Well, maybe "blazing" isn't the right word. Let's say he's lumbering along the trail ahead of us, mostly blocking our view.

"People are saying Governor Chris Christie is not fit for office. So they'll have to widen the door again. Unfit for office? Hell, the guy could be unfit for his pants. He's saying that lap band surgery decision had nothing to do with 2016, which by the way is his cholesterol." –David Letterman

Yesterday, Christie gave a 107-minute press conference to address the scandal. The last time Christie talked for 107 minutes, he was ordering at IHOP. But you always want Chris Christie on your side. Unless you're in a canoe." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list. A new poll shows that 64 percent of New Jersey residents don't care about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's weight. That's mostly because Chris Christie IS 64 percent of New Jersey" –Conan O'Brien

"New Rule: Stop believing Chris Christie when he says he got lap band surgery for his family. He did it because there are skeletons in his closet. Of cows. No, it was for his health. He was in the supermarket, and he felt a tightness in his chest, and then he realized he got stuck in the dairy case." –Bill Maher

"New Jersey became a state on this day in 1787. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie ordered a giant cake and a bucket of ice cream. Then he remembered today was New Jersey's birthday." –Craig Ferguson

By the way, I have been reading about how much weight he has lost, and he's still the size of a blue whale. Two questions: (1) How the hell much did he weigh BEFORE the weight loss (2) How the hell did they find a scale that went up that high? (Did he have to pull off the interstate and use those truck scales?)