Donald Trump Gets AIDS In A New Movie, And That Has Studio Execs In A Panic

Donald Trump Gets AIDS In A New Movie, And That Has Studio Execs In A Panic

"Audiences at screenings around the world, and some even in the United States, have been cheering and applauding a macabre scene in a new film by Sacha Baron Cohen in which 'Donald Trump' accidentally contracts HIV."

Too soon?

Oh, well. It's Borat. You know he's gonna do outrageous stuff. Maybe they can talk him into explaining that Trump got it by sleeping with one of Bill Clinton's cast-offs. That way he can offend everyone on both sides of the aisle.

I wrote a decade ago that Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell should settle their feud in Thunderdome. (Granted this is my solution to everything that I don't blame on the bossa nova.) I went on to point out that, since Thunderdome is fought to the death, at least one of them had to die, so it was a win-win for the rest of us, especially if they both died from their wounds. I don't see how Trump could possibly object to such an event, since the TV and advertising revenues would be, in his own word, "YUGE." That would make the Super Bowl and Oscar broadcasts look like cable-access TV. As a high-stakes marketer, he would have to approve of such an enormous profit opportunity. If you did a world-wide PPV simulcast of that event, you could probably make enough in Europe alone to pay off the national debt. Surely Trump would not mind dying for such a good cause.

I still think this is also an excellent way to determine party nominees instead of primaries and it's certainly better than those those fucking caucuses. And, let's be honest here. If Cruz and Trump both died in the Thunderdome, would anyone really be sad? C'mon, now. Be honest with yourself. Even if you are a conservative and support those guys, you have to realize that the conservative movement deserves somebody better. You need the next William Buckley, not orange Scrooge McDuck and Zodiac.

Man, I better stop making these jokes when he gets the nomination. I'll have the Secret Service at the door.

Unless he's willing to do Thunderdome with Hillary! Think of the stakes in that one. Loser dies. Winner becomes President and gets 10% of the world-wide revenues. I'll bet Trump would take that deal, except he'd try to negotiate a higher cut.

Hillary would be opposed, but I'll bet Bill would talk her into it, assuming he could arrange to have the winner and loser split the purse, like a prize fight. Suddenly he's rich AND single! Talk about a babe magnet!