Other Crap

It's the zany new Norwegian sport for tourists: killing baby seals. By gum, ever since I moved from Miami and quit playing jai-alai, I've been looking for a sport I could really love. Now I think I've died and gone to heaven. Unfortunately, Norway still has a ban on assault weapons, tactical nukes are universally forbidden, and they won't let you club them to death, so you have to kill them with single shot weapons. For about a thousand bucks, they give you four days of sport and a guarantee of two seals! The company's website shows photos of hunters posing with their kill and offers trips that not only include accommodation and food (all the herring you can eat!) but offer help with cutting up and preserving seal carcasses. Plus, training is available for beginners!! I'm off. Off, I tell you. I love this sport. It's almost time for spring training for my new team, the Bergen Mooses! OK, it isn't spring, but the seasons in Norway look pretty much alike. (By the way, to cut the sarcasm for a minute, although the ever-gullible Guardian says it is about killing "baby seals", I don't think that it has anything to do with babies. The Norwegians believe that seals have to be "harvested" to protect the cod supply, just as we realize that deer herds sometimes have to be thinned.)