Other Crap

Letterman's "Top Ten Things Columbus Would Say About America If He Were Alive Today"

• "I discovered the New World, but who discovered these delicious Cinnabons?"
• "Hey, my fo'shizzle thing finally caught on"
• "It's humbling to realize that because of me Americans are getting 20% off on a mattress"
• "It's nice to see Cher is still around"
• "As a fellow man of sea, I join you in mourning the death of 'Gilligan'"
• "I discovered the whole fookin' continent and the only thing named after me is a city in Ohio?"