Other Crap

Bill Gates told an online advertising conference Wednesday that he'd prefer not to be the richest person in the world.

• No fuckin' problem, Billy, with Uncle Scoopy's three-step solution. Step One: figure out how much you are ahead of the #2 plutocrat. Step Two: add one dollar to that amount. Step Three: Send the revised amount to me.
• I'll even sweeten it for you. Let's assume you send me ... let's say ten billion. I'll have to pay about $5 billion in taxes, leaving me five billion clear. I send you three billion back, off the books. Two billion is enough for me, I'm not greedy. Therefore, you'll still be the richest, but nobody will know, and you'll have three billion in secret mad money in your coffee can to pick up some odds and ends without the wife knowing it - you know, guilty pleasures - maybe some Chiclets, a new putter, some memorabilia from the Clicquot Club Eskimos, a couple small African nations, whatever turns you on.
• Meanwhile, we stimulate the economy, because I spend my two billion on booze and hookers and yachts and entertaining my new false friends!