Other Crap

Wireless devices to get emergency alerts

• We interrupt your cell phone call with this important announcement: The government will soon be sending warnings of national emergencies on wireless phones, Web sites and hand-held computers. The new digital system will update the emergency alerts planned -- but never used -- during the Cold War in the event of a nuclear strike.
  "Wireless devices to get emergency alerts"
• No baby boomer can ever forget those chilling words from our youth: "This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. We repeat, it is just a test. Had it been an actual alert, you would now be fried to a crisp."
• The new system will be used to report more modern concerns, like terrorist activities and ads for "Snakes on a Plane." Now get outta here, ya nuts, and get those motherfuckin' snakes off my motherfuckin' plane.