Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"I like Ralph Nader, he looks like the doctor you go to have the bullet removed. ... Ralph Nader looks like an accountant for a small town circus. He looks like the guy that gets up every day early to check his traps. ... He looks like the guy who pays the fruit pickers. He looks like the kind of a guy that would be the manager of a Big Box store. ... Ralph Nader looks like the guy that would be forced to cut a diamond for the mob." --David Letterman

"And then, of course, you have John McCain. ... I like John McCain. He looks like the guy whose daughter takes him to the mall once a year for new Rockports. ... John McCain looks like the guy who spends all day in the coffee shop at a municipal golf course. He looks like the guy who has to be told to close his robe. ... John McCain looks like the kind of guy who uses the word 'my' a lot, you know, well, I get up and I have my coffee. Then I read my paper. Then I have my oatmeal. And then I take my nap. John McCain looks like the kind of guy who goes to the post office and asks for the new Gerald Ford stamp. John McCain looks like the guy standing in the grocery store aisle comparing high fiber cereals." --David Letterman

"How about that presidential campaign? Hillary is down there campaigning in Texas. She is a little nervous, doing everything she can, pulling out all the stops in Texas today. She was campaigning in a rawhide pantsuit." --David Letterman

"Well, folks, the big news, Ralph Nader has chosen his running mate for president. You know who he picked? Matt Gonzalez! He chose Matt Gonzalez, 'cause Matt was the only guy who showed up at Ralph Nader's campaign rally." --Jay Leno

"This is a weird story. In Japan -- you've got to follow me on this -- a town named Obama is trying to attract Barack Obama supporters to visit as tourists. That's right. Meanwhile, tourism officials are trying to attract Hillary Clinton supporters in the German town of Nutbuster" --Conan O'Brien