New Cell Phone Risks Cause Panic Among Assholes - Borowitz Report

New Cell Phone Risks Cause Panic Among Assholes

"For years, America's assholes have talked relentlessly on their cell phones - while waiting on supermarket lines, sitting on the bus, or even crossing the street - regardless of the effect their annoying chatter has had on those around them. But with a new doctor's warning that cell phone use could pose a serious health risk, many jerks and douchebags are considering changing their ways."