Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Earlier this evening, there was a big Hollywood fund-raiser for John McCain. I don't want to say there weren't a lot of celebrities there, but it was billed of the night of one star. I think it was Chuck Norris." --Jay Leno

"Happy Rosh Hashanah! It’s Jewish New Year. Down in Washington DC, a confused George Bush today pardoned a bagel." --David Letterman

"The financial crisis has actually helped Barack Obama's poll numbers. McCain's plan to suspend his campaign and settle this has backfired on him. Think about it, no one should benefit more from this than the McCain/Palin campaign. Sarah Palin could actually wind up being the perfect candidate. If the world economy does collapse, she's the only one who knows how to live off the land." --Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't know if you can tell, and I can tell, and I'm no pundit; I know nothing about politics, but even I can tell that John McCain is trying to distance himself from George W. Bush. Have you noticed that? He has no use for Bush. He... wait a minute, hold it, I'm sorry. My mistake: I'm thinking of Clay Aiken." --David Letterman

"Of course, the first presidential debate was held on Friday. Many observers are split on who won. Some say Barack Obama won by showing he could hold his own. Others say that John McCain won by showing he could hold his bladder." --Conan O'Brien

"I'll tell you how bad the economy is. Just to give you an idea how bad the economy is. I saw a gay guy shopping at JCPenney. That's when you know there's a bad economy. I saw a guy at the 99-cent store using a coupon. That's a bad economy. In fact, I got my scenic checks from my bank today. You know what the scene was? Pictures of people at the bank cleaning out their desks. That's the picture on the check." --Jay Leno

"But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less banks. B, the remaining banks don't have any money left. And C, nobody's got gas money for the getaway car. So, right there, crime is down!" --Jay Leno