Seth Meyers is turning into the best joke writer on the planet. That Agatha Christie line is genius!
"Here's good news, President-elect Barack Obama and his family have actually now moved into Washington, DC, this week. Their stuff arrived via U-Haul One." --David Letterman"Cheney was kind of fun about it. He said that, you know, he only has a couple of days left as the vice president, but he's planning to squeeze in one final heart attack." --David Letterman
"Hey, here's great news. Remember Sarah Palin, John McCain's running mate, governor of Alaska? Well, she has a new grandson. New baby grandson, that's right. And the new baby boy's name is Tripp. Apparently 'Oops' was taken ... But the governor was very excited. She brought the grandson over to her house and held it up to the window so the Russians could get a look at it. ... It was quite an event. The baby was delivered by Joe the obstetrician." --David Letterman
"The chief of staff for embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich spoke to Illinois state workers on issues of ethics in the workplace. Was Bernard Madoff not available?" --Jay Leno
"Hey, did you all see Barack Obama's speech about the economy yesterday? Very sobering. He told Washington, 'We've arrived at this point due to an era of profound irresponsibility.' Of course, there's only one way out of it. Spend more money we don't have." --Jay Leno
"Did you see the picture of all the ex-presidents? Very impressive standing there. And they all had lunch together. And Barack Obama, you know this guy is nothing if not eloquent. Barack said that the men he met with, these presidents all understood the pressures of the office of the presidency. But of all of them, Bill Clinton was the only one who really understood the possibilities." --Jay Leno
"All five living presidents met for a historic lunch at the White House this week. Administration officials said that the idea for the gathering came from Barack Obama and not, as originally thought, from Agatha Christie." --Seth Meyers
"Afterwards, there was a fight over who would pay the lunch bill, but eventually they agreed they would just leave it up to future generations." --Seth Meyers
"During the meeting, Bill Clinton was impressed by the light brown carpet in the Oval Office, saying, 'I love this rug.' Though he did say it would look better if it was just a thin strip down the middle." --Seth Meyers
"On Friday, the Illinois House voted 114-1 to impeach Governor Blagojevich on charges that he tried to sell the Senate seat. The sole dissenting vote was cast by first-term representative Smodge Magojevich." --Seth Meyers
"The current national debt is estimated at over $10 trillion, which breaks down to about 35,000 dollars for every man, woman and child in the country. If you lay that much money end to end in $1 bills, most of it would be stolen by Bernie Madoff." --Seth Meyers
"The governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, was impeached today by the state legislature while he was out for a jog. That's why I don't jog, you never know what could happen." --Jimmy Kimmel
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