Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Nice to have you all here. As you all know, George Bush is no longer president, so there'll be no monologue." --Jay Leno

"Two million people attended the inauguration, compared to less than 500,000 when Bush was inaugurated four years ago. But that makes sense because four years ago, you know, people had jobs to go to." --Jay Leno

"And yesterday had the largest gathering of celebrities for any inauguration ever. In fact, there were so many celebrities and politicians together, it broke the old record set by the Betty Ford Clinic." --Jay Leno

"Oh actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington, whose speech was just a couple minutes long, which makes sense because, remember, George Washington couldn't tell a lie." --Jay Leno

"Treasury secretary nominee Timothy Geithner apologized to Congress today for not paying his taxes. And Wesley Snipes said, 'Why didn't I think of that? Hey, I'm sorry.'' --Jay Leno

"Geithner testified to the Senate Finance Committee today that his failure to pay taxes was just a 'careless mistake.' See, remember it was an honest mistake last week, now it's a 'careless mistake.' He says he does his own taxes and he just made a mistake. Well, that's a relief. The guy who's going to be in charge of the IRS is not a criminal, just an incompetent!" --Jay Leno

"Today, millions of people leaving Washington following Tuesday's inauguration. Actually, so many people are trying to leave that all the Amtrak trains are sold out. So, apparently, Barack Obama CAN work miracles." --Conan O'Brien

"This is a big announcement. Warner Brothers announced that it is outsourcing several hundred jobs to India, which explains why in the next 'Batman' movie, the Batmobile is a bus with 400 people hanging off the side." --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama got his new limousine. It has all the latest technology, although they did take out President Bush's favorite piece of technology, the PlayStation." --Craig Ferguson

"The new season of 'Lost' kicked off tonight. If you haven't seen it, 'Lost' is about a group of desperate people out of touch with the world. It's based on the Republican Party." --Craig Ferguson

"President Bush is back in Texas, unemployed like much of the rest of America. Bush reportedly spent the day cataloging his papers, outlining his memoirs, and sketching out plans for his presidential library. Just kidding. He spent four hours seeing how many Reese's Pieces he could hold between his toes. 38, it turns out." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The new president was up and in the office at 8:35 in the morning and then he was at church at 9:30. Is it a good sign that after one hour of being president, he decided the best thing he could do for the country is pray?" --Jimmy Kimmel