Homer's Epics

Speaking of Homer: Some years ago we held a reader poll to determine the best Homer Simpson quote

Some of my favorites:

"Alcohol... the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"This country was built on immigrants. We need them. Without them, who would train our tigers and kick our extra points?"

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at Church? That Captain Whatizname? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to see those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear nobody laughin', did you?"

"Lisa, if the bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, like hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing."

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try again."

"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in."

"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene."

"When will you Australians learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment, and things have never been better. The streets are safe. Old people strut confidently through even the darkest alleys. And the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities."

"Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies. And kids with fake I.D.'s."