Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Well, Happy Earth Day, everybody. To celebrate, a group of schoolchildren in Washington each planted a hair plug in Joe Biden's head." --Jay Leno

"Even Dick Cheney was into Earth Day. Did you see what he said today? He called for waterboarding with recycled water." --Jay Leno

"Next month in Toronto, Canada, former President George W. Bush will debate former President Bill Clinton. They're billing the debate as 'the corn dog versus the horn dog.'" --Jay Leno

"How about those Somali pirates? So they bring one of the pirates to New York City so they can put him on trial. But he will also be doing some other stuff. Like, tomorrow, he's going to ring the opening bell at the stock exchange. Friday he'll be on 'Rachel Ray' making Clams Mogadishu, and he will be the starting pitcher for the Yankees. Monday, he'll be on the 'Today' show singing 'I Dream a Dream.' And Monday night, he'll be sleeping with Madonna. That's the full schedule." --David Letterman

"The Justice Department says they want to make an example of this Somali pirate guy. And I thought, really? In terms of making an example, I don't think you can do much better than shooting the other three guys in the head." --David Letterman

"Do you remember Eliot Spitzer, who was governor of New York? He had to stop being the governor of New York because he enjoyed prostitutes. Well, now, he's talking about running again for governor in 2010. He also said he's looking forward to spending less time with his family." --David Letterman

"Even Eliot Spitzer is all excited about Earth Day. He was on the West Side Highway picking up trash earlier today. I believe her name was Rhonda." --David Letterman

"Happy Earth Day. You know, as a kid, every Earth Day I used to wake up and run down the stairs in my footie pajamas to see what Al Gore brought us." --Jimmy Fallon