Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"President Obama's Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor had her second day in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee today. I guess they have to do that in order to be confirmed to the Supreme Court. Her confirmation is pretty much a forgone conclusion, but even the leading Republican said the only way she would not be confirmed is if she had a meltdown, in which case she'd be named the governor of Alaska." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Of course, Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation hearings are under way. It's interesting. Political experts say that if Republican senators attack Sonia Sotomayor too harshly, they could alienate Latino members of their own party. This may explain with Republicans opened every question with, 'As a huge fan of Santana.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, former President Bill Clinton said he supports gay marriage. However, Clinton still remains very much strongly opposed to straight marriage." --Conan O'Brien

"You remember Dick Cheney. Well now it turns out that for eight years, Dick Cheney had a secret hit squad to assassinate al Qaeda leaders. And the team was unbelievable. Here's who was on the team: Lee Marvin; Jim Brown; John Cassavetes; Telly Savales; and Trini Lopez as Pedro." --David Letterman

"But the secret assassination squad, tough group of guys. To make the team, you had to survive a hunting trip with Cheney." --David Letterman

"Now here is the thing. Here are the two sides of this. The ying and the yang. Idea was we'd kill off al Qaeda leaders. That's the ying, I guess. The yang is completely illegal. But, listen to this. Before you make your judgment, before you decide, if it weren't for Dick Cheney and his secret assassination squad, Osama bin Laden would be alive today." --David Letterman

"Now, you know, there's a brand new audio tape from Osama bin Laden. You know what the guy does, like, every couple of months, he'll shoot out a new audio tape. It's just to irritate people and get them all worked up and stuff. Should really be stopped. But in the new tape, they know it's current because he talks about his ex-wife's new book that she's written about him. In the new tape, he says, 'Yeah, well, let me tell you something. If you'd be married to her, you'd be drunk all the time, too. You try living in a cave with that woman!'" --David Letterman

"Are you watching the Sonia Sotomayor confirmation hearings for the Supreme Court? Are you watching those? Day two. Fascinating stuff. And, man, did you see it this morning? Had the place going crazy. She shows up and right off the bat, she opens up with 'I Dreamed a Dream'
Then this was odd. Kind of awkward. When everybody calmed down, Clarence Thomas sent over a mojito." --David Letterman

"Lauren Conrad -- star of 'The Hills' -- she topped the children's New York Times bestseller list with her book 'L.A. Candy.' As a result, the Department of Education has launched a new program telling kids not to read." --Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs Sonia Sotomayor Is Getting Cocky

• 10. Addressed senators with "Whaddaya say, meat?"
  
• 8. Interrupted questioning to get fitted for her robe.