Late Night Political Jokes Updated Again

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"And the White House actually - this is true - rescheduled the President. They moved it up an hour from 9:00 to 8:00 because NBC complained it would interfere with 'America's Got Talent'. So in other words, the President of the United States moved his press conference to accommodate a show David Hasselhoff is on. I think Clinton did that for 'Baywatch' once." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The Republicans had been running a surprisingly effective campaign against the proposal for national healthcare, but the President found a very clever way to get them on board. Behind the scenes, he offered a key provision that would provide free breast implants for their girlfriends." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Anybody in China yesterday? The solar eclipse lasted almost 7 minutes and China was plunged right into the darkness - wait a minute, that's just their pollution." --David Letterman

"But interesting reaction to the solar eclipse. Rush Limbaugh says that the solar eclipse proves the unreliability of solar power." --David Letterman

"Here's some sad news from Iran, ladies and gentlemen. Do you know Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, do you know his vice president has resigned? This guy's main job was ceremonial, his main job was attending funerals. And you know, with Ahmadinejad in charge, that's a full-time gig." --David Letterman

"There's kind of a silly thing. Remember the All-Star Game last week, President Obama throws out the first pitch and everything seemed to be fine. Then later, people started to criticize what he was wearing. They said he's wearing, and I never heard this expression, 'baggie dad jeans.' And Obama was surprised by the whole thing. He apparently borrowed them from Chastity Bono." --David Letterman

"But the governor of South Carolina, Governor Sanford has lately been seen not wearing his wedding ring. And I was thinking, geez, I hope he didn't lose it while he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Then he'll never find it." --David Letterman

"Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki says that when President Bush was in office, they used to have a meeting once a week via video conference. Maliki said the teleconferences always ended the same way, with Bush throwing his joystick down and yelling, 'This game is boring!'" --Conan O'Brien

"They announced Dr. Regina Benjamin is President Obama's pick for surgeon general. She's facing criticism for being overweight. I don't know if Dr. Benjamin's weight should be an issue, but her food pyramid does call for three to five daily servings of McRibs." --Jimmy Fallon