Other Crap

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"On Fox News, Ann Coulter said she's against body scans at the airport because terrorists will still be able to hide explosives in their anus. So finally Ann Coulter is speaking on a topic she knows something about." Jay Leno

"Today, Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring." Jay Leno

"After 30 years, embattled Senator Chris Dodd announced he would not seek re-election. He said he may go to work for the banking industry. Have you seen his voting record? I think he already works for the banking industry." Jay Leno

"Oh, and Mitt Romney was on 'Fox and Friends.' He talked about his plan to run for president in 2012. It could be Mitt Romney versus Sarah Palin, which would be quite a matchup. I mean, one is a former governor obsessed with looks and hair. And the other, of course, is from Alaska." Jay Leno

"The annual list of the most admired men in the world came out today. Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods got the same score. I wonder what those two would have in common." Jay Leno

"An 86-year-old politician in India resigned after a sex tape surfaced showing him in bed with three women. 86 years old, three women. A lot of his constituents are saying it was a stupid idea for him to make the sex tape of himself. But the guy is 86. How else is he going to remember having sex?'" Jay Leno

"Today, President Obama honored more than 80 teachers for excellence in math and science. Then he begged them to leave China and come teach here in the United States." Conan O'Brien

"I was reading a book about Osama bin Laden, and it was written by his son, and according to the son, in the book about his father, the kid claims Osama bin Laden was a cruel parent. Gosh, you think you know somebody. But the book is written by bin Laden's dumb son, Osama W. bin Laden." David Letterman

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Airport

• For the kids, a wading pool full of jet fuel.
  
• Guy in tower won't say anything but "Niner."
  
• Airport is home to 7 of world's 10 deadliest snakes
  
• Has Hertz Rent-A-Monkey counter.
  
• At the duty-free shop you can buy exploding underpants