Thanks to billions in tax-supported research, scientists conclude that people are happier on weekends

After years of study and billions in tax-supported research, genius scientists have concluded that people are happier on weekends.

This was right after they figured out the purpose of sex.

"Curiously, however, people showed no significant difference in their happiness levels on specific weekdays. Which means the next time an annoying co-worker asks if you have a 'case of the Mondays,' you can inform him or her that no such condition exists."