Charlie Sheen Gets Roasted, Brooke Mueller by His Side - E! Online

Charlie Sheen Gets Roasted, Brooke Mueller by His Side

The nastiest jokes:

Charlie’s nostrils are so snotty and full of coke he calls them ‘the Hilton sisters.’

to roaster Mike Tyson: "Your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex-wives."

Two and a Half Men will air a mock funeral for Sheen’s character during its premiere on the same night the Comedy Central roast airs, but you can just wait a couple months and see the real thing.

You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.

MacFarlane introduces Shatner as “the guy who played Captain Kirk on Star Trek before it looked like gay guys working in a Mac store.”

Sheen's response:

I asked William Shatner to be here because I needed some clean urine; I had to wring it out of the diaper, but it did its job.

"I'm done with the winning cause I've already won. This roast may be over, but I'm Charlie Sheen. In here burns an internal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe."

If you want all the gory details, it was live-blogged by EW