Our long national nightmare is over. We have a Hulk Hogan sex tape.

Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Surfaces

And not a moment too soon!

Lines are already forming outside of porn shops. It's going to be bigger than Hunger Games.

Or not.

I'm not watching a Hulk Hogan sex tape unless he's really managed to recruit an interesting partner.

If he's fuckin' Megan Fox, OK, I'll watch.

Christina Hendricks - OK.

Hillary Clinton - no.

Wait ... I would watch that.

Rosie O'Donnell - no.

Wait, I would probably watch a few seconds of that as well.

Damn, I am a sick bastard.

Well, there must be some cases when I wouldn't watch it ... a Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Sarah Jessica Parker.

No, if I'm being honest, I guess I'd probably watch any famous woman

... but no anonymous women. I have my standards.