Ryan Leaf sucks at burglary even more than at football.

Ryan Leaf sucks at burglary even more than at football.

Leaf will forever be known as the NFL bust who was once considered Payton Manning's equal. They were drafted 1-2 in 1998, and Leaf actually looked better after the first two games. That didn't last long. In game three he went 1-for-15 for four yards, with two interceptions and three fumbles. Manning, on the other hand, eventually ascended to Valhalla, while Leaf had to console himself with the $31 million he was paid by the Chargers for four years of poor play.

Leaf has had some bad breaks. Last year, for example, he had a tumor removed from his brain stem. It was benign, but that can't have been a pleasant experience. Before that, he had kinda bounced around various careers. He lost a coaching job a few years back for (allegedly) seeking drugs by burglarizing a player's home, an incident which also landed him on probation for some criminal charges. It seems that Leaf is currently addicted to oxycodone, and that craving is the source of his most recent criminal activities. In addition to being a suspect in several break-ins, all apparently in search of drugs, Leaf has also been receiving multiple high-value packages, the kind of packages that rattle when you shake them, from exotic locales.

In case the last sentence is outside of your own experience, the point is that it is possible to get certain drugs which require a prescription in America by ordering them from places where they are not controlled. I think these packages usually come from places like Manila, Karachi and Hong Kong. Most of them just deal with boner pills and propecia, but here is an example of the many internet ads hawking stronger drugs. Some of these places simply take your money and ship placebos or nothing at all. Others actually ship the prescription drugs. I don't know which group is represented by the one I linked to. There are a gazillion of these on the internet, and I don't know how to evaluate them or even how to keep up with them all, but if you're ordering oxycodone on line you might be better off with one of the sites that do NOT send any drugs. The internet is fraught with many dangers far greater than porn!

These paragraphs from the story caught my eye:

"Police obtained a warrant Monday and reviewed data from the GPS in Leaf's pickup truck, searching for information that would link Leaf to the burglaries.

"The navigational system shows that he was in that driveway yesterday afternoon during the time frame of the burglary," Hickman said."

Silly me, I thought GPS devices only worked in real time. I never realized that they kept a record of every place you have been. I guess I would be a shitty criminal.

Much like Ryan Leaf.

The moral of the story provides a good tip for you criminal youngsters: if you are going to commit crimes, learn to survive without GPS devices. Maybe you should just memorize how to get to the crime scene. Placing yourself in the driveway of a burglarized home at the precise time of the burglary makes it very difficult to deny being involved.

Although now that I think about it, you might be better off if you did not park in the driveway of the burglarized home at all, GPS or no GPS, because the neighbors might see you there. If you're only looking for some tiny little pills that can fit in your pocket, you might think about parking a block away and walking to the house. And if you're 6'5" and 260 pounds, you might think about a different career altogether, because you'll be pretty freakin' easy for witnesses to spot.