New Movies In Theaters This Week - Rotten Tomatoes

New Movies In Theaters This Week - Rotten Tomatoes

We may yet face another 45 days of heat, but summer in the movie business, that time of raucous comedies and tentpole actioners, is pretty much of a fait accompli. We have savored the appetizers (The Avengers and Ted) and devoured the main course (The Dark Knight Rises). The rest is dessert and leftovers.

Sometimes it's difficult to say which is which. I thought Total Recall might be part of the dessert menu, but it seems to be headed for our collective doggie bag, with only 32% of the critics flipping their thumbs skyward. It will nonetheless get distributed to 3600 theaters, and it will probably battle Batman elbow-to-elbow for first place in this week's celluloid roller derby.

The kiddie flick o' the week is a Diary of a Wimpy Kid film. It is an adaptation, either of a popular series of children's books or of my autobiography. Critics split down the middle on this one. It will reach 3400 theaters, but is not expected to gross more than $20 million.

The Babymakers is one of the worst-reviewed films of the year (6%), and will make it into only 11 theaters and video-on-demand. Too bad for us that it sucks, because it is a hard R for crude sexual situations and "graphic nudity," although none of that nudity comes from Olivia Munn, who assumes every possible sex position but exposes nothing. Concentrating on the distaff side, Nikki Moore appears topless and Helena Mattson's breastices are seen in photos.

Despite having been directed by the City of God helmer, 360 will appear in only two theaters, and has received only 26% positive reviews. Fernando Meirelles, the director in question, is on his way to the "fluke of the millennium" trophy, which goes in each thousand-year epoch to the director with the widest gap between his best film and his worst. City of God is rated #20 of all time at IMDb, and received 90% positive reviews. 360 has received 26% positive reviews, and it could easily be 0%. There are exactly three "positive" reviews, and here is a quote from each:

"doesn't have much of a theme"

"has its successful elements"

"more interesting for its individual pieces than what it has to say as a whole."

You may wonder who received this coveted award in the millennium just past. That's an easy one. Franklin Schaffner directed Patton (97% positive reviews, and the one negative review is nuckin' futz.) He also directed Yes, Giorgio, the laughably bad kitschfest and Razzie-bait starring Pavarotti's struggles with the English language. It did break at least one record, according to some of the crew and extras, who loved the stout tenor for his talent and his agreeable nature, but nonetheless reported that he managed to set the all-time record for the largest number of trips to the craft services table. To picture the gap between these two films, imagine if one composer's career included both Achy Breaky Heart and Beethoven's 9th Symphony.