Chinese feast features endangered salamander

Senior security officials ate a critically endangered giant salamander at a lavish banquet.

There's nothing better, except maybe at Scoopy's Politically Incorrect restaurant, where our most popular entree is a juicy manatee steak. Before you dig in to the main course, I recommend the Spotted Owl wings - Buffalo-style, of course. And by that I mean that the sauce is made from real Bison! Unlike the Native Americans, we do not use every part of the Buffalo. We use only the flanks to make our sauce, then dump the gigantic, stinking carcass out of town, near I-75.