Other Crap

Conan O'Brien's latest quotables

• "Willie Nelson has written an advice book. Willie's first piece of advice: use chapter one to roll a joint."
• "In Iraq, the U.S. Military wants to disperse angry rioters by using a new weapon called a 'microwave beam.' Officials say that the microwave beams work perfectly, the trouble is getting the rioters to stand on a slowly revolving plate."
• "Yesterday President Bush had breakfast with Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts. Afterwards, Bush said he's never seen a better-qualified candidate for the Supreme Court, while Roberts said he's never seen a grown man eat Count Chocula."